In the last six months or so, I have been reminded that men’s mental health is just as important, and can be more difficult to recognize, as women’s by people who are close to me. One of these people spoke out on social media during November last year that he was seeking help for his mental health and was learning a lot about himself. Another of these people has been recently struggling with life changes and aging. These two people have been strong influences in my life and are seen as strong men, but everyone needs a little help now and then. From a young age, males are raised with a simple message: be strong. This strength, however, is often defined in narrow, stoic terms. Vulnerability is discouraged, emotional pain is something to be “toughed out,” and asking for help is seen as weakness. These messages show up in seemingly simple ways—a father telling his son not to cry, a coach urging players to “man up” – but their cumulative effect is profound.
Boys grow into men who have learned to mask and internalize their struggles rather than sharing them. The consequences can be devastating. Statistics show that men are less likely than women to seek treatment for mental health issues, yet they have higher rates of suicide than women. Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. Roughly 24% of adult males experience significant anxiety symptoms. This is not simply a personal tragedy; it is a public health crisis.
Society has long equated masculinity with emotional stability. Men who express feelings of sadness, anxiety, or despair can be viewed as less competent, less reliable, or less “manly.” Men also can have an internal stigma that make it difficult to seek help: the belief that struggling emotionally makes one less of a man. For many, the idea of admitting to depression or anxiety evokes shame and fear of being judged. Both society’s stereotypes and the internal beliefs can make it difficult for men to seek help.
The truth of the matter is that it takes much strength to contact a mental health professional and then actually keep that appointment.
When you seek treatment for a physical health issue you pretty much know that you will be asked all of the family history questions, current symptom questions, be weighed, and have your blood pressure taken. When a person who hasn’t been to a therapist before takes that first step in seeking mental health treatment, it can be scary.
However, it doesn’t have to be. It is much like going to a first appointment for a physical health issue. They will ask you to sign consent forms, provide personal history information, and provide information on what symptoms that you are having causing you to seek treatment. The world of therapy has expanded since the pandemic with many offices offering both in person and telehealth appointments. Men who have depression and anxiety should be encouraged to get help because getting help means that they will be better able to function in the family and work life.
